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HOSPITAL CHECK-UP

Back at the hospital - waiting to have another check-up - I'm down to every six months now - thank god! - they piss me off these check-ups - all they dois take the same readings, the same   measurements,   the   same   tests,   makeme   do   the   same movements, the same exercises, time after fucking time - I look around me - at all the other kids in the waiting-room - and I realise -I've known these kids a long time - from check-ups and physio - some of themeven back when I stayed in the hospital - I see how they are - the one in thecorner sitting slumped in the wheelchair, resigned, as though he'd given up onlife - the kid with his arms in splints, his face pulled tight with fear andconfusion, not   knowing what's   coming next   -   others    crying,   tearspouring down their cheeks, trying to drive out the pain, not wanting to behere, in this place.

And then I see it - clear as daylight - they're not getting any better - if anything they're gonna get worse - I see myself in them - in all of them - how I've been all my life - sitting and waiting and hoping that someone else would make me better - asking everybody else to do things for me 'cause it hurts me too much to do them - I see some of the kids - asking and   asking   until   they couldn't   do   anything   for   themselves anymore -   I've been there and I'm not gonna end up like that -I don't have to rely on anyone else - and I'm not gonna run away from the pain anymore - its not gonna stop me from doing anything .

The doctor calls me in - her face is all smiles , as she's handing me my usual prescription for a great big bottle of painkillers, she shows me a photograph from a newspaper - its a picture of a geezer in a pilot's uniform - then she says to me "This man used to have the same thing as you, he used to be as bad as you, now look, he can fly planes" -   "Fly planes - what's the big deal? - anything you can do I can do too mate- if I wanted to be a pilot that is - fuck that for a laugh"