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PUNK and LOVE            

In the Roxy - the sound of Punk blasting into my ears - the place is heaving - bodies packed together - moving - jumping - pogoing - energy pumping round the room - people grabbing onto me and me onto others - throwing each other around - the band on stage could be in the crowd - the crowd could be on stage - it doesn't matter - this is my family - we're all here - half the squats in Noel Terrace - sweat pouring down the black walls - dripping off the ceiling - clothes ripped up and stuck together - like nothing that had come before - speeding faster - on and on - no worries , no cares.

Outside - a crowd of us -taking over the street, drawing shocked stares from tourists and drunken bastards - two or three hundred of us from all over town, these Teddy boys come up from the other end to have a go, and then the police are in between keeping us apart - so we sneak around the   streets, trying to get through - then we meet them throw some bottles and shout at each other - sometimes a fight - just a bit of a laugh really - no real trouble - but we take care not to get caught on our own - like my best mate who I found lying unconscious and bleeding in a doorway.....

Or like me on top of a number three bus through Brixton - twenty Teds get on and I start counting the rest of my life in seconds - Have you ever had the feeling that you are completely trapped and possibly about to die? - the fear as you realise there's no way out? - I sit staring out the window hoping Iove turned invisible - someone sits down - I look round slowly - a toothless grin stares out from a face without love above me - its attached to a body twice my size - a clenched fist crashes into my face, slamming my head hard against the glass - the fear is gone - pain and fear stop there - where the boots and fists and chains begin.....

Then again at Stonehenge - this is getting ridiculous - I'm starting to hide behind a chair whenever someone walks past the window - Pull yourself together boy! - don't be scared - if you're scared you just invite trouble - if you think something bad's going to happen it probably will - what are you going to do? - you cannot hide yourself away forever - get out there and live your life.   "If you believe something good might happen.....maybe it could!".

Like finding love - the world changing around me - becoming bright and clear - the light, the air, the sky, the city - all different -   I sense new sensations rushing through me - electric - I feel my heart beating hard and strong and I know I'm alive - surrounded with warmth and beauty - without pain.